and she was petting her beer can
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
