Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
