It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
