How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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