they need to just BURY HIM!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
