ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Couch. On fire.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
