i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
