it's not cheating when I paid for it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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