20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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