Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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