Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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