Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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