Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
