In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize