So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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