dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
