I only kidnapped one of them. chill
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
