What a fucking waste of an outfit
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
