in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
