I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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