Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
