Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
