You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
