I wish you could order shots online.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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