I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
