There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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