I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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