Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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