Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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