so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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