Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
