I just threw up on my dentist
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize