WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we're making bets on your personal life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
