Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
