i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
