Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
