So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
