Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
