Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
