I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
