i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
