It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
