The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
