Can i not drive my cunt home
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
