may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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