4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
