Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
