Define "chronic" masturbator.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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