I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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