So drunk its hurt
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
