Nicole vs. Life
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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