i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize