Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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