wrigley field is MILF paradise
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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