Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
