Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
