I cockslap morals
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
