I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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