I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
