just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
