My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
