There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
