Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
