Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
