I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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