i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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