I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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