if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
