just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
