perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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