can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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