I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
