Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
please come you make the beer taste better
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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