I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
