I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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