hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The uberlube is also flammable
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
