just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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