I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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