Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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