Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize